"I'm going exploring, " I said to the woman behind the desk.
"That's nice," she said.
"It is nice," I said, "and true. Nice and true."
"Goodbye," she said.
Later, I told a clerk that soon I would be in the jungle, deep, exploring the undergrowth.
He said, "Don't get malaria."
"I don't want malaria, " I said.
"Better not catch it then," he said.
I was speaking to a girl in the library.
"Are you familiar with the ocean? " I said.
"The sea?" she said.
"The ocean, the sea, yes. Do you know it?"
"I think so. Why?" she asked.
"I’m going there, to the sea. Soon. Tomorrow. Maybe, I hope."
"Are you asking me?"
"Asking you what?"
"To go? To go to the sea, the ocean?"
I shook my head, "No, I don't think I was. Did I? ask?"
"No," she said sullenly. "But you spoke, you spoke to me and I thought we were supposed to go to the sea."
"Together? or separately?"
She shrugged. "Is there a difference?"
I looked at her, working up my nerve. "Do you want to not go with me, then?"
"Yes," she said, "I will be happy to not accompany you wherever you like."
I walked away, so happy. I stepped outside and saw the same city skyline I had seen so many, many times on so many different days. Days in rain, half-rain, sun and half-sun. The light was low, downcast and made me feel sad. I wish I had not lied. I wasn't going to the sea or the jungle. I wasn't even going across the street. I would go back to my box of a room. I would close the windows and shut the blinds, I would close my eyes and mouth and mouth the words, an incantation, the lyrics to some long ago song not heard for 15 years. Somewhere in the center of that song, there is a safe place. I can go back there if I try, if I try...
"I’m going exploring," I said aloud but no one was listening.
always a pleasure to read your work. I'm impressed by the swing around to a finish; it's something I struggle a bit with in these short pieces, but when it works (like above) it's nice. I have a few specific thoughts, particularly on the ending, but I'm gonna wait until the rewrite and see what where you go.
ReplyDeletenice. in the best sense of the word. at first, with the sort of childlike cadence, i thought it was a child. the library girl was a great touch--are you asking me not to go? the ending seemed to come too quickly and be too disheartening. can you do it again and end on a happier note? just kidding. i liked it.
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